There have been many times in my life when I have wanted to run. I presume we all have experiences from our childhood where we wanted to run back to a parent for protection and the Safty of the overly well known. If I were a psychologist returning to the womb (sorry dad). First days in a new institution can be fearful why did I move? new job, new relationship, new school, new church. My first day at junior school shit scared of loosing all the comfort, the protection the routine for what? I had no idea just fear. 

When I gave up my job at 30 ish I took a gap year, well three weeks to be precise and went to visit a friend in India. I remember traveling at two in the morning from the airport with Chris in a richashw, I felt like I was in a scean from Appocolips Now. I had never observed anyone have a shit in the street and then sleep under a cart. We were to spend a week on Mumbi and two weeks traveling to Rajasthan very cheaply, very. For a week all I could think of was that prayer from the Clash "should I stay or should I go?". Yes it was a prayer. I knew going home was to the known the comfortable the reassurance of the womb (sorry dad) all I had come to rely upon. My single known reference point was Chris and he had gone native.

Last night was the first of ten nights in Rome on a retreat that's like a holiday for religious readers of books. Well I'm in a single bed, no wife, no dog, no kids (kids second because they left me with dog) no church, no team no @&; data. It would be easy to go home to the known. 

So here is my point, mystery. Mystery makes us. The invitation from God to mystery. I'm reading The Cloud of Unknowing and ignatius spirituality both talk of the call to the mystery of God to and into the unknown. Mystery for us disciples of Jesus and me in specifically is not the unexplained,  but the willingness not to go home to the secure. 

I understand why Jonah ran in the other direction (I have) don't be hard on Thomas he knew what he knew and it made sense to him ( it does to me) hey why wouldn't the decsiples want good seats in the kingdom, (many of us do) non of them were sure of going with the mystery. 

To be sure is what I want, mystery is what God offers. So far I'm happy I did not go home.


  1. You have to write a book at some point Nigel....seriously....


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